mom
8:27 p.m. - 2003-12-15
Tonight, my mom told me I got a follow-up call about my cancer. She seemed very confused. She asked me if I had cancer and hadn't told her. I said, "Helloooo, I only had major surgery!" She seemed taken aback. "Did they take care of it?" she asked, "Are you following up on this? What hospital were you in?" I tried to help her remember, "Mom, B. drove me to the hospital and K. and M. picked me up." Still nothing. I went and laid down on her bed. My heart hurt,and it was pounding. I was so scared and sad at the same time. Where is my mother? I'm losing her. She's slipping away. As I sit here now, I wonder the same thing I thought on her bed, "Should I move in? Should I take better care of her? How much more of my time should I be spending with her?" I know that my mother and I cannot live together. I know that. I shouldn't feel guilty because I do a lot for her. I just think it's not enough now. I feel very selfish, but I'm not ready for her to leave me. But in a way, she left when my dad died.