Rant
12:27 p.m. - 2003-09-14
The thing is that I can't help but wondering what you're doing now. It would make me feel better if I knew you were as lonely as I am. But I know better. I know you've got someone. She can't be much. She has to be willing to put up with your physical abuse, your verbal abuse, the nights you don't come home, your drinking, your drug use, your stealing, your lying, your not working. In retrospect, she's got to be a whole lot of woman to put up with all that (I say that tongue-in-cheek).
I hope you don't drink tequila around her. Remember the time you sat at the kitchen table and drank a whole bottle? Yeah, that's the time you pointed the gun to my head. Then I dropped down (or was I already on the ground at that point?)and crawled into the pantry and closed the door. Ha! Like the door would have helped. Fun times.
Things that remind me of you:
Driving around Oak Cliff-Do you still do that? You used to call it "throwing a cruise".
Polo shoes-I guess I thought buying my own pair would make me feel better about buying you some. They only remind me of you.
Red trucks-I can't believe I actually thought I would ever see the money from that. Remember I even made a little payment booklet for you to pay me back with. That's about the time you started putting on your work uniform, pretending you were going to work and driving around the block until I left for work.
Caller i.d.-You were so obsessed with calling every number back on that damn thing. Every wrong number, every telemarketer...you were sure they were all my lovers.
Pawn shops-Seems like everything I ever valued ended up in there. You suck.
Jail-Going to see you there, knowing I put you there, taking my daughter there...that was all fucked up.
Tattoos-You said if I would tattoo your name down there, it would stop all your jealousy and suspicion.
Orgasms-I still have to think of you. Damn, I really hate that.
I thank God everyday that my daughter and I don't have to live that way...your way...the way of the insane. I am sorry for you because you are sick. I am happy for me because I got away. I live in peace now. You never will.
And that's why I want a tattoo of the Chinese symbol for peace.