Tall chick with spare tire goes out to drink beer...
8:39 p.m. - 2003-06-14
Should I take you step by step through my tirade of getting ready for tonight? Let's just say that I planned to wear my hottie pleather mini skirt with my funky matching boots and a cute blouse to cover my pooch belly. The hottie pleather mini skirt wouldn't even zip. I make the assumption that my other cute hottie club skirts are going to do the same thing. I avoid the humiliation of trying them all on, and just make the assumption. So, I decide to iron my Rockies...my recently-bought-for-work Rockies. I put them on, and they are wayyyyyy too baggy to wear out dancing. Okay, so I get my previous Rockies that were for work, but they are much too tight. They won't even button...not even close. So I am reduced to wearing the baggy Rockies. I put them on before I have a shirt on. I get to see my big belly pooching over. It makes me want to cancel. My belt won't comfortably buckle. I choose a black shirt (because I look good in black). I decide that it covers the spare tire enough. I consider calling Joy and asking her if I could stop by for outfit approval, but what's the use? I could do nothing about my outfit once I got all the way to Joy's. I consider stopping at a store on the way out. Ridiculous. I settle for the baggy jeans. Just when I think I will have to go out without outfit approval, my neighbor knocks on my door. First, she tries to convince me to wear a skirt. I convince her that they are all uncomfortably tight. She tells me that they are not too baggy. I will accept this and venture out. Damn it because I have very sexy legs! Damn it because these pants do nothing for my ass! But damn it, I look good. If I had a digital camera, I would take my picture and post it...just of my face, turned at an angle...so I won't look fat. ya. Everything in my closet is a size 8, and I'm a size 12. It's a big difference, even if you wouldn't consider me heavy as a 12. I'm taking my own car in case my back goes out...on the dance floor...and I collapse. Oh well, everyone will just think I'm drunk. Is this what it's like to be old? I won't even get into how I'm wearing a size 9 boot and my foot is a size 10.