You win, world
10:08 p.m. - 2003-06-11
Tonight, we went to this free concert. I was hot as hell, so we came home and went swimming. Then there was a domestic violence scene on someone's patio...fucking white trash skinhead pieces of shit. All this time, and I have been so mellow. Now, everything is pissing me off...especially people. I don't know what has happened to me. I lost that lovin' feeling...that contentment...that inner peace. Where did it go? Was it Monday when I came to work and found out my classroom had been given to someone else after I busted my ass getting it ready? Was it Tuesday when I found out my boss and her secretary are thieves? Was it today when the summer school principal undermined my authority in front of some punk ass student from a different school who refused to give me his name? At what point exactly did I start letting things get to me? I'm disappointed in myself. I need to regroup, regather and reread The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I want my last week's self back. I took my daughter to a concert tonight, and I was too shy to dance. She begged me to dance with her, and I wouldn't do it. I was too self-conscious because no one else in the place was dancing. Instead, I suggested we leave and go swimming. I'm feeling so out of place and so fat. I'm so sad.
Today at the grocery store, my mother hissed at my daughter, "Everyone's watching you!" I said, "Good. Let them watch because we are beautiful.