I made a difference in the life of a child
3:25 p.m. - 2003-04-13
In my entry Children Who Hurt, I mentioned Karina. I haven't wanted to talk about her because I really don't know what to say. She was one of my students. In hindsight, I find it odd that she was the only student in her homeroom class that didn't bring the permission slip to take my Human Growth and Sexuality class. She never heard all the things I said about protecting your body and about how adults should never, ever touch you. It's hindsight because maybe I should have recognized that as a red flag. Maybe I should have investigated. I was laden with guilt when CPS came in a couple of weeks ago and took her away. What could I have done? Shouldn't I have noticed? I went to the counselor. I told her that I didn't know anything, and that I didn't want to know anything; but I felt so guilty. She said, "Don't feel guilty. The gears were rolling on this one way before you came along." I told the nurse that I didn't know anything, and that I didn't want to know anything; but I felt so guilty. She said, "There was nothing you could have done. Didn't you ever notice that she had that look, though...I can't describe it, but she was..." I finished her sentence, "...sad. She always looked sad." During my insomnia, I decided I would be a foster mother and adopt her. But then I came to my senses. Who would even let me start doing foster care? Plus since I don't know what happened to her, I'm putting my own daughter at risk. Sexual abuse victims tend to abuse because that's all they know. I want to drive to her house. I want to wait for her parents to come out, and I want to look at them and shout, "SHAME ON YOU!! SHAME ON YOU!!" I don't know what happened to her; but I am assuming that whatever it was, her parents knew about it. I hope that she is happy. I hope she doesn't regret that she told one of my students who did take my class, and that little girl told the counselor. Wait...WAIT!! I did make a difference. I taught the class and someone listened and got help for someone else. I'm so glad I finally wrote this down. The guilt was extreme, and now I can let it go. I hope I can stop dreaming about it now too. The hearing is Tuesday. Pray for her if you are reading this. She left while I was reading a book about a little girl who wished on a star. I hope she remembers that story, and that all her wishes come true from now on.