My birthday speech
10:01 p.m. - 2003-03-11
I�ve been living on the edge, diary. I�ve been picking my outfit the night before I wear it. How insane is that? And I don�t even know what shirt I�m going to wear tomorrow. It can�t get much crazier than this.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I was in charge of baking my cake. I guess I can do it when I get home from work tomorrow. I�m doing red velvet with cream cheese icing. Someone left the cake out in the rain.
My homeroom is full of back stabbing treacherous individuals�that�s right, TREACHEROUS! You can�t get much worse than that. Gotta shake it up a bit. I have a very clever plan, yes I do. I think it may be one of the best ideas I have had in a while. Must discuss with Joy tomorrow.
Well, Spanish teacher is hot for me. Know what that does? Makes me want to run for the hills. I do not like to be reciprocated at all�uhhh especially by a married man. Anyway, he�s so dumb. He keeps asking me to meet him, and I keep telling him no. Once I take my final exam, I�m going to tell him to go out with his own damn wife, and then I�m going to block his ass all to hell from my e-mail. Ugh. Nothing turns me off more than a man who likes me...except for a married man who likes me. Jeez. Blech.
I wanted some cereal tonight, but my milk is bad. What sucks the most is I never even opened it until tonight. The expiration date is today, but it already smells.
Well, I want to take this time to reflect on the past 34 years. I�ve had my ups and downs. I have seen a lot of things. I have learned a lot. I have given, and I have taken. I have made money, and I have spent money. I have loved, and I have lost. I have failed, and I have been successful. I have given birth, and I have caused a death. I have been to the mountain top, and I have seen the future in the eyes of some very intelligent children. I have learned that your real friends keep your secrets no matter what. But I think the wisest and most important thing that I have learned in my 34 years is this: A banana is more fun to eat when you make monkey sounds while you are peeling it.