Pod people
9:58 p.m. - 2002-12-27
I know it may not seem that way, but I love my mother. I know that when she is gone, I will feel guilty for the things I have said about her in my diary. I just remember a different mother when I was growing up. She was a plump woman, but not fat. She was real comfortable to lean on in church. She was witty. She was meticulous. She was a homemaker who took care of her husband and children. She had lots of friends. I don�t know what happened to that woman. I miss her. I miss her because she loved me and listened to me. I was often the topic of her conversations. She was fond of me. It�s not like she disappeared in an instant, but I think a lot of her died when my father died. Then maybe I killed the rest. Maybe my life and all it�s twists and turns drained what she had left. It�s like she�s crazy now. Some days we can have conversations, and other days she�s almost incoherent�almost chomping at the bit for an argument. Physically, she is almost unrecognizable she has lost an unsightly amount of weight. She has stopped waxing her chin, and she has long white hairs growing from it. She constantly, and I am not exaggerating, constantly passes gas very audibly and then says, "Excuse me." It's extremely embarrassing. I don't bring people around much. If I do, I warn them because it's very disarming. If it's ever brought up, she screams, "IT'S MY MEDICATION! I CAN'T HELP IT!" (I sure would be having a chat with my doctor...don't know about you!). Her table manners are atrocious. She makes full length speeches with her mouth full of food. It's disgusting and you can't understand her. She does it on purpose, too. I mean she'll shove food in her mouth while she's talking. It's not like she thought of something and couldn't not say it even though her mouth was full of food. It's just that she eats and talks and we're all supposed to put up with it. She also talks to herself...constantly. Lately, she just says, "Mmmm-hmmmm, unh-mmmmmm, mmmm-hmmmm, unh-mmmmm," over and over again. It's like she's having an argument with herself. When she's not looking, my daughter and I shake and nod our heads appropriately to her mantra. I know people who have aged much better than this. I think one of my resolutions is to get my mom back.