Tortured, Tangled Hearts
7:07 p.m. - 2002-12-17
I have never been snow skiing.
My pinky toes do not have normal toenails. They are tiny little slits that grow straight out. I have to paint part of my skin so they will look normal. My dad�s whole side of the family has this trait.
Right now, I have a very good friend with a beautiful soul. I am watching her life like a movie. It�s so alarmingly similar to the life I went through with my second husband. I�m scared because I know the ending. I want to scream out at her the way I told Jodie Foster in �Panic� to blink at the police officer. I can�t, though. This is her movie. All I can do is be an audience for her. I want to hold her heart for her while she�s up there in the movie, but I can�t.
My mom got mad at me today because I made an appointment with the vet for my guinea pigs on Thursday at 4 p.m.. She said, �Is there any way you could delay this until next week because I need your help (if you�ve been reading my journal you know that �help� is all she ever needs, but I don�t know what it entails because she will not tell me�I�m just supposed to know).� I said, �You need my help on Thursday at 4 p.m.? She hung up. I know what�s going on with her. I really do. You see, my dad was an alcoholic. He caused a lot of drama for her. Later, his health problems kept her going. After he passed away, I became a distraction with all of my drama. Now, I�m living a fairly normal life. No drama for mama. She�s bored. She wants to fight about vet appointments.
There are some people in your life that drag you down that you can say goodbye to. Those people are friends, lovers, husbands, coworkers, even bosses. There are other people in your life who suck you emotionally dry like leeches suck your blood (CSI:Miami last night was ewww!) that you have to keep around. Those people are called family. Sometimes I wish it were different.