D0es that make me crazy?
9:07 p.m. - 2006-09-01
I know I only make it on here to complain these days. It's just that tonight I am so incredibly sad. My mom is so mean. I try to avoid her, but she seeks me out. She thrives on fighting. This was the case even when I was young. She ruined every special occasion that I can remember. She loves to lash out and then act like nothing happened. Well last Sunday on the way to my brother's house, I reminded her that she had bought my niece and nephew's school clothes; but hadn't paid for A.'s yet. She said, "But THEY'RE my grandchildren." (uhhh wtf? Am I not your REAL daughter? Is there something I should know?????)
I guess ever since then, I haven't really wanted to speak to her. A. and I were going to go to the country this weekend, but that didn't work out. So I let A. go play, and I sat out in the garage to do laundry. I had a movie to watch on my little DVD player. The problem was, my mom kept coming out and saying mean things to me. I finally started saying them back. Now, I feel very sad about that and about my life in general.
I know my mom, and I know that any nice thing she does will later be thrown in your face. When we moved in here, she wanted to wash our towels. I told her not to do it because it might get on her nerves later on, but she insisted. So tonight, she has an outburst about the towels. I said, "That's all you got?" And then I gave her my list of complaints that included throwing garbage in the sink (gross), leaving crappy panties out in the garage (yes, literally with crap on them), eating just about anything, pooping all over the carpet and other unsanitary habits that my mom is practicing. Now I feel bad. I let it all out, and I feel horrible.
This house is not a house of peace. It never has been. I think that my mom may be truly crazy. If you could just see her pacing the floor for the mail and hear her constantly talking to herself, you would know what I mean.
I feel torn because she obviously needs someone to take care of her, but she seriously sabotages all of my efforts to keep the house clean.
I work a lot. That helps.
But seriously, I feel like I may be going crazy.