not my last entry, but may be a while
10:07 a.m. - 2006-04-30
So Friday night at around 11:30, I was sitting on my bed playing my on-line game on the laptop when I hear a loud BOOM! I thought the tornado had hit (we were under a warning). I set the computer down, and looked out into the living room. I see a black man who has just turned on my lights. I go back in my bedroom. For a split second, I have two choices...knife or phone. They are both right there. I have gone over this in my mind so many times. I grab the knife. He is hollering and walking toward me. I scream like a crazy woman (hoping he will think I am crazy), " NO GET OUT GET OUT NOOOOOO!" He gets closer and I stab him in his side. He punches me in the face, walks around me, picks up the laptop and walks out. I run to the kitchen and dial 911, my neighbors are already in my doorway. Blood is gushing out of my nose. A. walks in (she slept through the worst part, thank God) and sees her mother bleeding all over the place. So the police and my family come. The police keep asking me questions and the one question that started to bug me is, "Did you know this guy?" I looked at my sis-in-law and said, "Why the fux do they keep asking me if I knew this baztard?" The victim assistance lady says they are just making sure that I couldn't identify him, or helping me jog my memory. CSI came and took lot of pictures and the knife I stabbed him with. My brother takes A. home with him. My sis-in-law takes me to the hospital. We are there until around 4 a.m. Apparently during that evening, some guy comes into the hospital asking for gauze. They didn't catch him because he left; but yay, I hurt him. I have a fractured nose (the police were sure it was broken). My lip is busted. I think my teeth are crooked. My eyes are turning black. It doesn't matter because he wasn't going to touch my daughter, and I was ready to die for that. Take the fuxing laptop.
Okay so I don't know what he wanted. A lot of people are suspicious because he went right for the laptop. I'm not sure though because it was dark in my bedroom, and the laptop was the only thing that was light up. Maybe he just wanted something bright and shiny. Seriously, he was probably looking for something to sell for drugs. The next day, the guy from church and his neighbor drove me over here to get some things. Then later my nephew did the same thing. I can never come back here. I do not ever want to live in an apartment again. I have moved in with my mother. If you know me, you know that this is not going to be easy. My sis-law helped us clean out the rooms we are going to use. My mom has a lot of knick knacky stuff that has to go. I told my mom that I couldn't have all that stuff because of my allergies, and she totally understood.
I feel blessed that my daughter was untouched and that all he did was punch me in the face and take my laptop. At the same time, I feel like all of my independence is gone. I have been a single mom since A. was 6 weeks old. In the past few years, I have made a good life for us. He took that away. I do not even feel safe sitting here writing this entry. I will be moving the computer soon. This is a regular computer (since the laptop was stolen). The other laptop won't charge, so I'm laptopless.
I only came back to get a few things, but every little noise is making me jump.
I went to confession yesterday, but the priest told me I had nothing to confess. He said I did nothing wrong. I said, "But Father, I HATE this guy. I keep picturing different ways I could have stabbed him." He told me that is normal for what I have gone through.
The police told me to get a gun. They said next time, stab at the face.
Hopefully, no next time will happen. I'm going to have an alarm system installed in my mom's house.
I am broken, but I am alive. I look like I got punched in the face, but it could have been so so so so much worse.