p00py pants
12:03 p.m. - 2005-06-11
I think I need to break the family reunion stories up. I'll begin with Friday, the day we left for Arkansas. A. was staying with my mom because I had to work. I left work about 2:30 or so. I called my mom's house a few times, but didn't get an answer. I didn't need to go by the apartment because my luggage was already packed and at my mom's (we were going in my brother's van). I called and finally got A. on the phone. She said, "Mom, grandma pooped everywhere." I asked her what she meant by everywhere. She said, "Mom, it's everywhere. There's like a thousand pieces all over the garage. She wants me to go in the house to get her a paper towel, but I'm not stepping in all that poop." By this time, I'm already laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face. Yes, I know that I am cruel; but to hear A. tell the story....you would laugh too. So, I'm trying to find out if we are still going on the trip because apparently my mother has exploded all over kingdom come. A. tells me that my mom's sister and husband came over to give her sanitary pads, so I'm thinking we are going on the trip come hell or high water. While I'm talking/laughing with A. I can hear my mother fussing at her. I asked A. what she is saying. She said, "Grandma said that if I say poop one more time, she is going to make me eat poop." I tell her to not hang up until I get there. My sister-in-law calls on the other line to ask if I want something from S0nic. I am laughing so hard that I barely get out what is happening. She says, "LAURIE! Shame on you! I shouldn't even get you anything!" I found out later that when she hung up and shared the story with my brother, niece and nephew, THEY began to laugh until they cried. I switched back to A. to make sure she hasn't been forced to eat poop and she tells me my mom is hosing down her panties in the backyard. I am driving here, people. It is not good to laugh that hard while you are driving. I pull up to the driveway of my mom's house and they are sitting outside, so we hang up. My mom is in that type of mood where you make as little conversation as possible, so thank GOD my brother pulls up about the same time. So we all get in the van and head out for Arkansas. Hey, we can literally say it was a shitty start.
...the drive up there, dinner at Bryce's, and the hotel riot are just a few of the stories to come