a story
11:00 a.m. - 2004-01-02
You know the episode of R!ch Girls where A. H!lfiger is stuck shopping during the blackout (poor thing)? Well, you know how she carries that big bottle of water around? I've started doing that. I think that is the coolest thing about her besides the whiney way she talks.
New Year's Eve 4 years ago: I left Alyssa with a girl who worked in the apartment office. She was an awesome babysitter until she got a loser boyfriend and her whole life went down the drain. Anyway, it was all icy and dangerous. The newscasters were saying, "Don't go out unless you have to!" Most festivities were even cancelled. I had my mom's car because I didn't even have a freaking car! The balloon payment came due for my awesome Jeep, and I had to give it back. I miss that car! Yeah, so I get in my mom's car in the worst weather and drive about 5 m.p.h. all the way from Arlington to North Dallas. It was treacherous to say the least. I do not enjoy driving in these conditions because other people do crazy things here in Texas during bad weather. Well, I made it to this house where I met my best friend, Mark. There were about 6 or 7 people there, and we all started drinking like there was no tomorrow. We also played Tr!vial Pursu!t, and I found myself being very clever at it. Someone decided we should all go to the jacuzzi! woohoo! I was so wasted already that some random guy helped me change into my swimsuit while alternately making out with me. The jacuzzi is outside...surrounded by a solid sheet of ice. As I'm getting in the jacuzzi, I slip. I slip to the bottom of the jacuzzi where I feel my teeth hit. I don't know if they hit the actualy floor of the jacuzzi or the bench shaped part where people sit. I think it was the floor. So I come up, but I can't get out of the water. I keep getting sucked down. Everytime I come up, I see people laughing and talking like I'M NOT FREAKING DYING! lalala...Look at the human bob. Finally, I catch eye contact with Mark. Some part of him saw that I wasn't playing...I think. Anyway, all I remember is him grabbing me and pulling me toward him. He literally saved my life. I had to get out of the water to go see what had happened to my teeth. Both of my front teeth were ruined. I had a chip on one and the other one was completely cracked. I looked like total white trash. Well, the damage was done. So, I went ahead and made out some more with the random guy. What the hell, right? The unusual thing was that he was white. I woke up feeling like shit, and excused myself the hell out of there. Unfortunately, the sun had already risen. I'm sure he was frightened at the sight of me. Am I the only one who looks super scary in the morning? On the way home, I had to think of something to tell my mom. She had no idea I was out, and here I had broken my two front teeth. I came up with the story that I slipped and fell on the stairs outside the apartment. Then I had to fend off detail questions like, "How did Alyssa react?" etc. I know it sucks to lie to your mother. It's just that she never let me go anywhere, and I was 30. Hmmm, maybe she had a point! Ha! Anyway, my dentist at the time did not consider this an emergency. So, I found a new dentist. They had to put temporary caps on at first. I looked horrible. I looked like I had two Ch!clets stuck on my teeth. They were blaringly white and square. To make a long story short, I eventually got them fixed. My mom paid the dental bill. I wish I could say I never lied to her about going out again, but I can't. Anyway, if you're reading this, Mark...which you should because I sent you the link a long time ago; and let's face it, it's all about me...THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY LIFE! And thanks for being my friend even when I had two Ch!clets stuck on my front teeth. What's that old saying where if someone saves your live, you owe them forever? Something like that.