you're nothing without me...
8:17 p.m. - 2003-12-19
I haven't checked my mail all week. I went by after work, and I had a slew of stuff! I had five Christmas cards (thank you Erika and Tuffy )...one of them had a twenty-dollar bill (my aunt), a rockin' package from Dixie and the January Reader's Digest. Life is good, my friend. So I was laying on my bed listening to my new CD from Dixie. I was feeling kind of down because Alyssa is being a butt to me (she's exhausted). I was thinking how life has passed me by. I've always been the watcher...the one waiting for things to happen. Okay, that's not necessarily true. I was just feeling that way. I was feeling old and "over".
Anyway, I started thinking about Diaryland. I started thinking about the people who read my diary. Not only do they read my diary, they reach out to me. I find this absolutely amazing. I pour out my soul in here...the good and the bad...and people actually come back to read more. I tell things in here that I would never even dare tell anyone I know. Yet, I am embraced. The fact that I am in so many other people's daily thoughts is almost too much for me to think about. I will just think about the tip of that. I think of the people whose diaries I read quite often. Sometimes, I want to tell them so much because I don't want them to make the same mistakes that I did. Then I remember that everyone has to live their own life. I can't do it for them.
Honestly, I feel lucky, blessed and loved. Things don't seem quite as bad anymore. I realized this even before I saw Oprah in Africa. I see that it's okay to laugh at myself. I see that it's okay to wallow in discontent sometimes. It's okay to admit that I have faults...real ones and imagined ones. You still come back to read. The purpose of this diary was to put my thoughts down. I found diaryland through Joy. To me, this is the best website ever created. I had absolutely no idea whatsover that people kept their thoughts in an on-line diary. Now, I think, "How could people not do this?"
I am beyond exhaustion...and filled with hot cheetos, cookies and chocolate. I am beyond exhaustion, yet it's not so bad. I still have you all to talk to tonight.
*****GROUP HUG*****