Spooky little girl like you
12:12 p.m. - 2003-03-20
Last night, my best friend Mark and I went out. We started off with cocktails at a bar. We met his friend James there. James was going roller-skating because it was Gay Night at the roller rink. Now, I have to tell you I was very tempted to go. However, we had a prior commitment that I have been looking forward to all week. So, Gay Night at the roller rink would have to take a rain check. James was totally bitching me out for not doing my Kiegels (long story about how that came up). He made me do some, "Now hold it. Stop making a face!" Gay men are so helpful. So, this guy is making goo-goo eyes at James. He finally approaches us, and James says, �Hi, I�m Ben.� I look at Mark like what the hell. That was just odd. Turns out the guy that approaches us is a total gay redneck. He was insanely racist. I would be surprised if he beat his own self up with a baseball bat. I was interested in his job because he interviews people. So, I was asking him questions about what he looks for in an applicant. I like to tell my students real life examples of how it is in�well, real life. When he left, I told James, �If you sleep with that guy, I will be so pissed at you.� He said, �Oh my God, he�s awful. The more he talked, the worse it got.� My friend, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. Okay so goodbyes to James who is going skating, and off we go to our next adventure. We went to this Latin restaurant that was tres chic. I mean, it was beautiful and it was full of beautiful people. It was fabulous. We met Joy and her husband and some other people there. Before we went, I spoke to Joy on the phone. She told me she had fallen and had a huge black �eye� (eye is the key word here). I said, �Are you SURE you just fell?� So, I prepare Mark and tell him Joy�s got this huge black eye. So when she arrives, I say, �Hey, I thought you had a huge black eye.� Now if you know me, you know I�m all waiting to see this black eye. Well, it wasn�t her EYE at all, silly Laurie. It was her ASS. She has a huge black ASS. Poor Joy. It even hurt me to look at it. We listened to a live band play. The band was great. All the beautiful Latin people were dancing. I was drinking Mojitos. Good name for a drink. Pretty soon, I was drunk. Drunk ass drunk. Sleepy ass drunk. Mark and I ordered an appetizer. At least, I thought they were appetizers. They called them tapas or something like that. Well, it came out. I said, �Is that it?� I swear to you there were two little things on a plate. We each ate our one little microscopic bit of food in like 5 seconds. There were some crumbs left, and I reached for them. Mark slapped me on the hand, and then took them himself. Then he says, �Could I have like 12 more of those please?� That�s when I started laughing for about 20 minutes. I couldn�t stop. Later, I remember Joy getting a psychic reading by some guy who was using rocks and dice. The reading was really accurate. I wanted to get one, but I was too drunk to pay attention to anyone. Well, we went home soon after that. I thought we were going to go somewhere else. Maybe I spoiled everything. I hope not. When we were leaving, one of the guys in the band gave me �that look�. It seems that when Mark and I go out as a couple, we get so much of that. Guys love to pick him up when he�s with me. So, I slept on Mark�s couch because I promised Joy I wouldn�t drive. I�m glad I did that except I didn�t get to do a drunk post. Also, I hate sleeping in my make up. Mark totally had the Clinique soap and everything, but I was just too out of it. I felt like Euro trash driving to the car dealership this morning to drop off my car for some work. It�s not cool to be in the same thing you wore the night before, smell like cigarettes and say, �I was so supposed to be here 45 minutes ago, dude.� It�s not cool when your 34. Dixie sent me the soundtrack to Vanilla Sky. That made for a tripped out drive both to and from my night out. I love driving, listening to good music and analyzing billboard advertisements. Wouldn�t it be cool if I could get paid for doing that?