Most embarrassing dating moment
4:41 p.m. - 2003-03-18
I was about 31, and I was dating this guy who was like 23. I�ve mentioned him before. He lived in the apartment next to me. It was a really nice setup. He was way too young for me�still into his stereo system and hanging with his homies. It didn�t matter though because I was way to busy with my daughter. It was really cool because after I put my daughter to sleep, he would come over and we would watch movies, drink beer and make out. He even permanently set up his DVD player at my apartment. We went places together as well, but the best part was just hanging out. When I cooked, I would send him a plate over. He would call me the minute he walked in the door from work (yes, folks this one even had a job). After a while of the making out part, things got a little heavier. Now, this guy was half black and half French. He was a dead ringer for John Leguizamo. He was often approached for autographs. Anyhow, the reason I mention his race is because that sterotype�that myth�it�s true. This guy had the biggest (insert your favorite penis word here) I have ever encountered. I was afraid�AFRAID to have sex with him. I asked him questions like, �How do you find condoms?� (Answer: they have special condoms for super large (insert your word)�wanna see?) And, �How can you just walk around like a normal person everyday?� (Answer: what are you talking about, crazy?). Well, I finally gave in and of course, the sex was great. But I always miss that pre-sex fun�the big build up. Okay, so one night we are sitting on the couch drinking and watching movies. Now, when I�m at home I don�t think ahead about the restroom. At a bar, I have to plan it so I won�t get caught in a huge line or something. Once I went to a frat party where you got your beer and then got in line for the port-o-potty, repeat. So, I waited until the last minute�until I really had to go. Now, I wasn�t one of those gals who did my Kiegels during pregnancy�sue me. I always use caution when coughing or sneezing, if you get my drift. Well, at the same time I really have to go this guy gets up to go use the restroom�to drain the ANACONDA�LITERALLY. I really have to go, ya�ll. I wait and I wait and I wait�I pound on the door and tell him to hurry!! I wait and I wait and I wait. Finally, he comes out. As I make my mad dash for the potty. He stops me, grabs me around the waist and picks me up�squeezing me. What would have been a cute little lover�s thing to do has actually become my worst nightmare. I said, �Put me down. I�m going to pee in my pants!� When he put me down, I ran into the bathroom. There was no way around it�I had to change pants. It wasn�t just my panties, I would have to change pants. So, I did. And he�s all, �What is wrong with you?� I�m like, �Shut up! I had a baby, that�s all.� I really can�t remember if that�s about the time we stopped seeing each other or not. I am not sure if that freaked him out so much that he never came over again. I don�t remember. I kind of blocked it all out. What really sucked is he was still next door. He was like dating other girls and still next door. He was one of the nicest people I�ve ever known. Really. I mean, I know that a jerky thing to do�date other girls�but he was young. Too bad I was already needing Depends.
