Rico Suave called
9:10 a.m. - 2002-12-07
My cell phone rang about 2:45 a.m. When you're phone rings at that time of the night, you're like, "What the hell is that?" Then you figure out it's your phone, but fuck if I'm answering it!
So, I got a message. It went something like this:
"Laurie, call my ass back. This is fucking big (name left out) with a fuckin' (incoherent drunk mumbling here). I'm about ready to fuckin' tear that pussy up. My numbers 214/(I'll leave the number out, but he said fuckin' twice during the number.) I know you'll remember me when you see this 10-inch cock. Call me back. You know you like it, girl."
Okay, so let's get past all the psychobabble that I pick the wrong people yada yada. I am a loser magnet. I don't want to dwell on that because that's negative talk. Let's just leave it at that. I mean there's a reason why I'm single.
Let's focus on the fact that he actually expected me to call him back. Needless to say, I turned my phone off. I also said a silent prayer praising myself for never giving out my home phone number. I wondered, "Has that language of love actually gotten him laid before?" I also thought, "Honey, who told you that you had a 10-inch cock?" HAHAHAHA!!!!
I so have it together right now.